It all comes back to food.

I certainly have some updates to make!

First of all, tomorrow marks 8 weeks and is also the day we get to go in and see our Sesame's heartbeat! I can pretty much guarantee that I will burst out into tears when we see it flashing on the screen. I am in incredible anticipation of our appointment tomorrow. I will also be getting poked and prodded as they run some more blood tests (in addition to the pre-conception ones they did last year), but that doesn't phase me in the least. I just can't wait to see how much Sesame has grown!

On the morning sickness front, it is still very much at bay. I've only had one more "bad" episode since I last typed, but other than that, I think baby and I are communicating a bit better. At night, I will grab some juice (usually pomegranate or raspberry) or something to eat, and I will "look" and baby and sternly say, "This is for you, OK? This is for you," to ensure it stays down. So far, so good!

One of the craziest yet most blessed things I've noticed with pregnancy is how completely unpredictable it is. It is absolutely as far from predictable as you can get. You'll see below how I mention that one day, broccoli was my hero--the next, my enemy. I'll have a fantastic-feeling day, and the next, I'll be snuggling with the toilet a little. That is, of course, exactly how parenthood will be. One day, your child is an absolute angel, sleeping through the night, not fussing even once throughout the day...and the next, you're cleaning up the poop art she's covered the wall in, she won't eat the veggies she devoured the day before and she has a new cuddling preference that you can't quite seem to figure out. That's all coming our way in about 7 months, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Speaking of food, I've discovered our little one's two current favorites--french fries and soft-serve ice cream. When all else fails and has me shedding a few tears, this combination works. I vowed to not get into eating fast food while pregnant, but I view fries differently. They are potatoes, plain and simple. Well, and salt and oil. That's okay in moderation. Burgers, though, have lots of mysteries and are just addicting. Thus, it is my personal choice to not get our child hooked while still in the womb. Not that that really happens, but still. It's my personal health choice.

But man, those fries tasted heavenly today after I shed a few tears of self-pity at not even being able to eat a chicken or potato salad . Soft-serve ice cream never gets old, either. Yum, yum.

Before we move onto pictures, I had a dream the other night. I dreamt that our baby was born two days early and that we had a boy. He was absolutely perfect, of course. It was strange, though, because I usually remember baby dreams incredibly vividly. I didn't remember this one until quite a bit into the morning, though. Not that that is super important in the end, but still.

At first, I simply just felt like we are having a girl. The logical side of me, though, thinks that we are having a boy. (Yes, it is based on logic. If you don't know what kind of logic, that is quite alright.) Hee Suk just feels that we are having a boy, no special reason. Only time will tell! We're still a few months away from being at the stage of finding out, if our doctor will be sneaky enough to let us know. (It is still curently illegal to disclose the gender of the baby in Korea, but many hospitals are relaxing on the law now. Given that we communicate in English, she's already said she's pretty sure she can come up with some discreet way to tell us.) That's not even important in the end, but it's always fun to guess.

OK, so let's move onto pictures to help retell the story of this week!

7w1d

To make things easier on me and to save us some money, I got a bike! Can you tell which one it is? This is seriously the natural lighting of the picture. It looks like it was delivered from the heavens with how blindingly it stands out!

♥

7w2d

These foods were my heroes of the day! My stomach was being particularly fussy, and this was what kept me going. As I mentioned in my last post, eating cereal with milk first thing is a life-saver. The milk I drink (on the right), which really isn't milk but is at the same time, saves me every day. It always helps my tummy calm down so I don't get too nauseous. Thank goodness it's delicious!

♥
7w3d

Happy Birthday, Appa! Today, Appa got his first bike ever! Mommy laughed so hard when Appa tried riding her bike the first time but saw how much joy it brought him to ride. Thus, Appa has a bike now, too! We took our bikes to the grocery store and had dinner while we were there. Sesame had been hinting at wanting 돈까스 (donggaseu--breaded pork cutlet with amazingly delicious sauce) for awhile, and holy smokes, did we devour it! It was the best meal I had had in some time, so I was one happy camper. Afterwards, we had some soft serve ice cream. Yum, yum.

♥
7w4d

For as well as I was feeling on Saturday, I wasn't quite so much on Sunday. The morning was okay, but later, morning sickness was causing me to feel very unsettled. Broccoli was my go-to, only to have the toilet become my new go-to. Thus, I confined myself to bed rest, and this was my view pretty much all day. (I wasn't feeling so terrible, but my stomach was very sensitive.) Bed rest was completely amazing, as I caught up on some America's Next Top Model and Project Runway 5! I was in heaven. In this picture, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style is up next. Bliss.

♥
7w5d

For the past year or so, I've prepared myself for sleeping exclusively on my left side. I've held off on getting a pillow to put between my legs for support so that I can get a nicer pregnancy pillow as I get bigger, but I think I'll have to just pick one up in the mean time to support my hips better. This cat, which Hee Suk won in a crane game for me, has become my temporary pillow. This doll is actually really special to me. ♥

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Today--7w6d

This is a picture of my cell phone. Our hospital sent me a text message to confirm our appointment tomorrow, April 1st, at 1:30pm. (And yes, medical facilities always send text messages the day before your appointment to confirm--HUGE text message culture here.) ^o^

I didn't plan for this to be a day-by-day update, but I supposed that's what it's turned into. We are so incredibly excited for tomorrow, and the time can't go by quickly enough. I'll hardly be able to sit through the lesson I have in the morning before the appointment! I am starting to feel really tired now, though, so I had better be off.

Our Heavenly Father, what else can I say but "thank You?" Words fail me for the graciousness I feel, for my inadequacy in Your presence, for how incredibly awesome You are. Thank You, my King. Thank You.

Holy Heartburn, Batman

I've never had heartburn before, so one might wonder, "How can you be sure if you've got it?"

My friends, you will know.

I had some yesterday, and I had some today as well. Especially today, I've felt like there's a knife right in the middle of my chest that someone randomly twists at times. It might have been the spicy food I ate the past couple of days, though. I don't think I will be able to force my mouth open to eat spicy food for awhile, just in case. -.-; Oddly enough, I already can't bring myself to eat rice! Rice, I tell you! What's up with that?

An almost instant cure to the burn today was broccoli and ranch dressing, though. I was also feeling pretty nauseous today, so it was hard to come up with something I thought I could eat for lunch. Hee Suk prepared some broccoli and fruit for me after I ate a bean bun (my body later would tell me it was not happy with the fruit selection in the middle of a lesson at my student's house!), and I think it was just what I needed. Yogurt was also okay. Maybe this baby is trying to cure me of my lactose intolerance...

Eating cereal before going off to teach this morning definitely helped with not feeling sick through my early morning class. I felt so well that I thought something was wrong. By the end, though, I was starting to feel a little icky/hungry, so I munched on a few pieces of bread.

Well, at least I made it home. It was more like coughing them up, but still. No fun.

On tossing cookies in the middle of a lesson...

I thought for sure I would have to explain I was pregnant, as the room we were studying in is right next to the bathroom. I ran water while I was in there to just add extra noise, but I still thought I would just have to break the news. When I got back in the room, though, she went right back to reading aloud! She didn't even suspect anything when I grabbed for a mint. I later found out that she was stuffing her face full of clementines while I was in the bathroom, so she was certainly preoccupied. Definitely counting my blessings there!

So today was not a whole lot of fun, but amongst worries of not being able to eat like I want to in order to provide for baby, it's all very reassuring that everything is just fine. April 1st cannot come soon enough!

Speaking of which, having our ultrasound on April 1st seems so funny to me, as it is, of course, April Fool's Day. (Baby had better not try to play any pranks on us, that's for sure!) I asked Hee Suk if Korea has something similar, and he said that it is actually on the same day. He thinks it would be awesome to tell everyone on April Fool's Day because nobody would believe it. I don't think it would work quite that well, but I thought it was an awesome idea. I don't think we will, but it really is a funny thought. ^o^

I still think I am having a very blessed first trimester, aside from some not-so-fun moments here and there. I've been walking, riding my bike, doing lots of grocery shopping (though that is sometimes torture with all of the samples they offer--it's the meat and fish section that gets to me). The worst has been how emotionally taxing it is for me to want to eat more/better for baby but not being able to stomach terribly much. I'm getting enough for me, but I, of course, worry about not getting enough for baby to grow along as he/she should. Hee Suk would definitely like to smack me sometimes for that. "You're doing more harm by worrying than by not eating everything!"

Anyway, I will have pictures later. They aren't terribly fun or exciting this time around, so I'm not in so much of a rush to get them up here. We'll see, though!

You are so incredible, my King! Thank You, my Lord. Thank You.

7 Weeks

Today marks 7 weeks! Our little Sesame is now about the size of a blueberry. I received a very funny "update" email from one pregnancy site that started out with, "Gotta pee...again?"

I pray this week flies by, as I am anxious to see our little one's heartbeat. As the date draws nearer, I do find myself going through the "what ifs?" a bit more, but I am sure to push it out of my mind as quickly as possible.

On the morning sickness front, my body was sure to tell me that staying away from those juices was not really the answer to it all. Yesterday was definitely the worst, though it was still comparably very mild. Two days a week, I wake up relatively early to teach at a company (the one I mentioned in another post). It has always been hard for me to eat early (as my father can certainly vouch for with all of the Poptarts I ate on the way to Normandale!), so I just try to intake a little something simple and eat when I get back home.

Well, Sesame has informed me that this is no longer acceptable. I started feeling a little nauseous while I was teaching, but I was amazingly able to ward it off until the end again. As soon as we got outside, though, I started my "coughing." It was definitely the worst bout yet, but once again, not even stomach acid to trouble me. After it calmed down, I just smiled and said, "That means everything is okay." I am always giving thanks with each bout, even though they often end up happening while I am walking outside.

Anyway, I had another episode later in the day (at home, wahoo!), but it was basically the same. Yesterday was just a little tough, but again, I take it as a huge blessing and wouldn't trade it for the world.

In the massive picture post, I mentioned my cheese cravings and that there was more of a story to it. This is from Monday night:

After I finished classes, I was craving cheddar and sour cream chips. Oh goodness, do I miss those. I also kept thinking of how I had been craving nachos on different occassions, so I decided I had to do something about it. I went down to the grocery store and bought all that I needed.

As soon as I came home, I ripped open the nachos stuff and quickly put it together and into the microwave (we are now sans oven). I almost devoured it all before I could take a picture:

Yes, there are a few chips missing. ^.~ Definitely not the same as back in the States, but they were pretty heavenly to me at the time. I even had seconds (it's a tiny plate, though!)!

The second dish. If you can't tell, the chip at the top and a little to the left has already been severed from the group, as I tried to eat it right away without taking a picture.

I have also been craving a Subway turkey sandwich on honey oat with cheese, lettuce, onions and maybe some green peppers and cucumbers, not to mention the mayo. We do have one Subway here that I know of and have eaten at, but I wish it were easy to just make the sandwiches myself. It's so hard to find deli meat here. 8oz. of turkey meat costs about $20. ;~;

I've found a fairly decent solution, though!

In the midst of being so hungry right around lunch time, I was cooking Udon and needed something to tie me over while waiting. I grabbed a slice of cheese, then though, "Hmm, cheese and bread sounds good. Ah ha! I also have lettuce! And I made ranch dressing last night (thanks, Dad!)! Let's put them together!"

It was just awesome to me. So yummy.

Pregnancy has really brought my American taste buds back. I usually prefer Korean food because it is more flavorful (but oh, man, I would never turn down Mom and Dad's grilled food or rotisserie!), but I find myself wanting only salads and sandwiches so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens in the second trimester, that's for sure.

In other news, I checked my What to Expect When You're Expecting book last night to check up on recommended intake of vegetables. What I found instead was that I am almost certainly not getting enough protein, so I, of course, spazzed a little. I'm sure this is part of why I am feeling slightly more anxious about getting the hear the heartbeat, because I have it in my head that we'll be hearing our baby is too small and blah blah blah. I know this is really silly at this stage, but that's how it goes.

6w6d

I found a sticky note pad and started calculating about how much protein I intake a day--definitely not 75mg! I made a plan for trying to take in more, but my goodness, it is just not easy. I wish I had easy access to my Boost drinks. ;~; We'll be looking for other kinds of protein shakes for sure.

I picked these up today to try out, and they're not bad. It's funny to me, though, that high protein=5g. Better than nothing!

My official 7 weeks picture winner, though, is definitely my ranch dressing.

♥

7w

So many foreign countries apparently have some issues with ranch dressing, because I have heard of so many people internationally having a hard time getting their hands on some. Thankfully, you can buy a powdered form and mix it with milk and mayo. It's not exactly the same, but my goodness, I want it on just about everything right now. I need to buy some more carrots and broccoli and start dipping!

In yet other news (can you believe there is this much at 7 weeks??), if everything goes okay next week, I might break down and send out an announcement to the family in time for Easter. I have a really cute idea in mind that I hope I can pull off. (It's simple, but I don't know if I can find what I need here.) Though the thought of loss still scares me, I don't like not sharing my joy with others. Hee Suk is obviously wonderful, but I want ot share with others, too.

Speaking of which...

I think I have "ASK ME WHAT'S UP!" written all over my face or something. This week, several people have suddenly gotten back in touch with me to see how everything is going. Though some have asked about baby stuff, I can proudly say I have not once lied about our status without revealing that we are indeed expecting. In some situations, it's easy, but in others, I feel like I am calculating my every word. I think people must know I am trying to avoid the world for a couple more weeks or something.

I wonder if my posts will get shorter once we make our announcement. At this point, I am here talking about everything I can't say to anyone. I wonder if with talking more with others, I will find less desire to type so much out.

Probably not. ^.~

At any rate, that's plenty for now! I'm pretty exhausted and should eat a little more, take a shower then hit the sack.

My Lord and Savior, again, I could never thank You enough. Thank You for showing me that faith truly can move the mountains. I pray that You continue to hold this little one in Your mighty hands, that he/she continues to thrive and that we will seeing a beautiful fluttering heartbeat in a week that will continue to grow stronger and stronger.

Massive Picture Post

I decided that enough was enough and that I should get to uploading some pictures. Here are all of the currents!

5w3d

Genesis 18:10-15

This is when Sarah overheard Abraham and God talking about how He would fulfill His promise and bless them with a son by the time a year had passed. The verse that I clung and still cling to was v.14: Is anything too hard for the Lord?

♥

5w4d

We had gift certificates to eat at an Italian buffet called Jessica's Kitchen, and boy, was it heavenly. The salads there were fantastic. I had not had a good one since we moved here, so it was just wonderful. It's a little expensive, but even Hee Suk said, "I want to come here once a month!"

♥

5w5d

In the process of moving, this was what our fridge looked like. Thank goodness it was only for a night!

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5w6d

Just about everything here is for our English classes, but the huge book on the left with red and white print is Hee Suk's pregnancy/baby manual. ^^;; My things are in a separate spot (not enough space here!)

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6w

This is my awesome powerhouse trio of vitamins. I finally found my Calcium supplements, too, so add that to the mix!

♥

6w1d

Yes, these are our bathroom slippers. This is one of my favorite paintings by Gustav Klimt. I saw it for the first time at IKEA a couple of years ago and instantly had a strong emotional attachment to it, seeing as the mother is blonde and the baby has brown hair, which is how our child will look.

♥

6w2d

I'm trying to figure out why I didn't take this at the 6-week mark, but oh, well. It's early yet, but I definitely have some of that pregnancy "bloat," as I've heard many refer to it. It's defintitely not just a full tummy, and I can hardly wait to see it grow!

♥
6w3d

One of my friends from MN is here for a year, so we finally met up and went (by chance) to my favorite palace, Changdeokgung. I couldn't believe how beautiful the early blossoms already were. I think it's just perfect that we've conceived just in time for spring, which to me has always been a symbol of new beginnings and life.

6w3d Bonus Pic!

So on this trip to the palace, there was my friend, her co-teacher, Hee Suk and me. I really wanted to take my friend to Baskin Robins because she was happy about having them here, so we scouted one out for awhile. (They are everywhere except where we were.) When we finally got to one, the co-teacher, whose English isn't so great, said something like (I don't remember exactly), "Maybe your pregnant." I actually got upset because I wasn't going there for some craving--I wanted to go for my friend. Alas, I just shrugged it off at the and grumbled about it later.

♥

6w4d

If you can't tell, this is cheese. Yes, cheese.

What does the child of a lactose intolerant mother who's not a big fan of cheese crave?
Cheese.

So here's some organic baby cheese. This is only the beginning, though...

♥

6w5d

I have found the secret to keeping morning sickness away--keep these (clementine and orange juice) away from me! As much as I love drinking them, they are the main culprits of my gagging episodes. Believe me--I am still counting my blessings for merely having a few gagging episodes thus far.

Roadmap to Baby

I had read that often times in pregnancy, your veins end up being more apparent. Being the pasty almost transluscent person I am, I completely expected this. Either the beginning of this week or late last week, I noticed some that were showing more "vibrantly," if you will, basically where leg bone connects to the hip bone. ^.~

On Wednesday, I noticed that the pattern had turned into a sort of roadmap to baby. I'm usually a bit grossed out by veins and whatnot, but to me, this is just so cool. There's nothing showing right on my belly, but around it, it looks like it is all leading right to baby. It is truly amazing to me.

On the morning sickness front, even though I was not feeling so hot after some pizza on Wednesday, I had no issues whatsoever on Thursday, aside from a slight bout of minor queasiness. Today, though, I have no idea how I managed to not toss any cookies! I had a class for 1.5 hours in the morning, and about 30 minutes in, I was certain I was going to at least go through the same gagging motions I had before. While everyone was doing group work, Hee Suk and I made an "escape plan" for me just in case. Somehow, though, I managed. I think some people might have noticed I was acting a little weird, but everything was fine. Definitely counting my blessings!

Speaking of that class, if you're not looking to get pregnant, don't drink the water!

When I began teaching there, I learned that two men's wives are expecting. One is now 5 months along, and the other is 12 weeks. On Tuesday, I learned that one of the women there is also expecting, and she is now 10 weeks along! Add me to the equation at 6 weeks along, and there's just a whole lot of baby business going on there. We have not announced our pregnancy yet (though we came very close to having to!), but I think that everyone will be so surprised at all of the baby's coming along this year. Looking back, that means we got pregnant fairly shortly after starting there in February. Hmm...

Otherwise, baby is definitely being picky about what he/she wants to eat now. Most food simply does not sound appetizing to me, so I find myself just picking something that shouldn't cause any issues and that I can chew easily since I had my top braces tightened and bottom ones put on on Monday. Yes, I had braces put on just days before conceiving. I can only laugh at God's timing with that one. ^.~

I happened upon a few stories today of early losses, and it's so hard to not let them get to you. I am still doing what I can to make sure that I keep the attitude of having nothing to fear. We are certainly being held by hands so powerful and so capable. I can do nothing but trust that everything will be okay rather than dwell on the what-ifs. Thankfully, all signs point to Sesame simply thriving. When I feel sick or hungry and can't find anything that sounds appetizing, I always smile and thank God that He has blessed us with such signs that everything is just fine. There are certainly no complaints coming from my end!

Anyway, I still have not located where the connector for my memory card and computer is, so no pictures to share for now. There will be a massive one coming up, that's for sure!

And one last very important note: Sesame says, "Happy Birthday, Grandma!"

Lord, thank You for the kindness you have shown us, for showering us with unbelievable blessings far, far greater than we could ever deserve.

6 Weeks

Today marks 6 weeks! It's been a very stressful week, but what a great joy to know that our little one is continuing to thrive.

Even though baby is about the size of a lentil now, he/she is still very endearingly referred to as Sesame. It looks like the name will definitely be sticking around for awhile! I just absolutely adore hearing Hee Suk say things like, "Eat this for you and Sesame," and whatnot. What a wonderful feeling.

Most things I have read say that the 6-week marker is the magic one where all the first-trimester joys really hit you. I've definitely notice a little bit of a shift in how my body is processing things, but it hasn't hit me too hard yet (praise the Lord!). On Monday, I thought I was going to toss my cookies and "went through the motions" without even as much as stomach acid causing trouble, but I attributed that to the very high stress I was feeling. The past two days, though, regardless of whether I wake up at 6am or 9am, or am at home or walking outside, I've found myself going through the same motions. I'm just thankful I am keeping everything down at this point. I've got quite some time to go yet, though! Hee Suk was wonderful and encouraged me this morning with, "It'll only be for a couple of months." ♥

I actually thank God for the signs He sends, even the ones we would often rather do without. Especially early on in pregnancy, you really have no idea what's going on, so it's comforting to know that these progressing signs are all indicators that so far, so good.

Today, I broke down at two random points in time and started crying a little. I just felt so sad, and I don't even know why. That just might be some hormonal goodness for you. Right now, I just feel weird, kind of like I'm feverish or something. I'm definitely not running a fever, though. It'll be interesting to see if it's something that's going to stick around or if it's just for tonight for whatever reason. And no, I am not trying to over-analyze things as potential pregnancy symptoms. In fact, I keep trying to attribute everything to something else (like the nausea being due to stress, which is certainly not out of the ordinary for me).

Anyway, I have pictures, but I don't have the energy to get them uploaded right now. I'll get to it sooner or later! I need to go rest up now, so that'll be all for tonight.

Thank You for holding us so tightly, my King!

Our Little Sesame Seed

5w1d

"This is just between you and me--I'm waiting on a miracle"

I had bought this shirt shortly before finding out we actually had a little one growing inside of me, but it works perfectly! I bought it thinking that it would be great regardless of whether we wound up still on the path of trying or if we were indeed actually now waiting on a little one to make his/her appearance. We are indeed waiting on our little miracle. I love this shirt. ♥ (And by the way, it was only 5,000won! As if I needed a reason to love it even more!)

5w2d

Babycenter.com has an AWESOME page for tracking fetal growth and development week by week. We found out our little one is the size of a sesame seed this week (and rapidly growing!). Once I told that to Hee Suk, he just loved the idea of calling him/her our little sesame seed. This picture is of him holding our little sesame seed. Well, a little sesame seed, but still. It's amazing to imagine him holding our little one someday not too far away! This picture is incredibly special to me.

Not too terribly much else to report. I am still hungry all of the time, and I am finally just about over this lingering cough/cold. I've always eaten healthy, but it's gotten healthier since we found out. I'm having a good time making some very light vegetable stir fries and am enjoying some good ol'-fashioned hard boiled eggs. It's barbecue ribs for dinner tonight, though!

I am still just in utter awe of how amazing our Lord is. He is so faithful!

The Best Birthday Ever

Today was our first visit to the doctor as parents-to-be!

5w

We totally did NOT expect to be receiving an ultrasound today. In fact, I actually freaked out about it. I went into the appointment having made up my mind that I would not get any ultrasounds done until at least 10 weeks. I had let too many stories about women miscarrying a couple of days after their ultrasounds get to me, so when the nurse was talking to my husband before we saw the doctor and wound up telling me to go to the bathroom before I went in to see the doctor, I panicked a little. I knew that that meant they were going to do an internal ultrasound, as I have had two done before with figuring out I had PCOS.

The level-minded person my husband is, he had me just go "do as told" and then just talk to the doctor about it. Duh. When I told her I was apprehensive about getting one done today (she speaks English fluently), she mentioned that when she was pregnant, she did ultrasounds on herself all of the time, and obviously, everything turned out fine. This actually did make me feel better.

So let's back up.

When we got to the hospital, we found that they had moved this department to the building next door, after we had walked up several flights of stairs. (He thought it was only one floor up, so we walked up one floor. Then we thought, "Oh, must be the next one, so we walked up to the third floor. Wasn't there, either, so we walked up to the fourth and then felt pretty dumb. Definitely took the elevator back down.)

The way they have the center set up now was really confusing today, but we've definitely got it down now. I do like that it's right as you enter on the first floor, and it seems a bit more relaxed than when it was in the building we first went to. We started out in the "history taking room," where I was weighed (57.95kg), had my blood pressure and heartbeat taken (124/72 and 79bpm). The woman there asked us the usual questions, and when it came to the question, "When did you start your last cycle," I wouldn't tell at first because I didn't want them to do the automatic calculation thing based on the mythical 28-day cycle. I tried to have Hee Suk explain that I had PCOS, blah blah blah, but in the end, all she really wanted to do was take down my the last start date.

So after that, we went over to wait to see the doctor, and that's when the nurse told me to go to the bathroom before seeing her. (My doctor's name is Dr. Siwon Lee.) When we entered her office, she was very happy to see us. I said something to the effect of, "We finally get to meet again!" (we had seen her for a preconception check-up) and she was just so delighted. I absolutely adore my doctor. It was SUCH a relief to find someone who speaks English so incredibly well. We chatted briefly, and then I was to head to the next room to get the ultrasound down. Korean men don't usually want to be there for internals, but I told Hee Suk he didn't have a choice--just look at the screen. ^.~

She found the little gestational sac right away, and it was definitely neat to see! (It's that tiny little black spot in the middle of the photos.) As you might be able to see from the top photo, baby is measuring 3.7mm. Our doctor was saying that that's a little behind, but no big worry, but I felt pretty certain at that point that she had been given "just the facts" from the history room and was going off of that. At the end, she mentioned that there was something she wanted to discuss when I was more comfortably seated, so we finished up in there and went back to her office. My heart sank a little, but I tried to not let it consume me.

She mentioned she found something called a "subchorionic hematoma," a.k.a. a "threatened abortion." You can imagine how that sat with me. I just kept listening to what she said, and she was great about talking about how it's not very big at all and that over 50% of women end up with one and that it usually is no reason for concern, to not worry myself, but to also not over-exert myself. Long story short, when I checked it out at home, she was exactly right (of course). I read that many women see it disappear by week 8 and that even some women with much bigger ones just experience bleeding throughout their pregnancy and go on to be just fine. Mine was 0.9, I noticed from her notes. I'm pretty sure that means 0.9mm, but maybe cm? Anyway, the best thing I can do is just not even give it a second thought.

They won't give us an estimated due date until somewhere between 8-10 weeks, so until then, we're sticking with 11.11. Maybe after that, we'll still stick to it just because. ^.~ It will be interesting to see how the dates compare!

Anyway, she decided to have us come in after three weeks, which actually puts us at April Fool's Day. We'll be right at about 8 weeks, and at this appointment, she'll be doing more detailed blood testing, including more tests to see more specific details about my Rh-. We should also get to see and/or hear the heartbeat!

As a sidenote with all of the crazy correlations with dates so far, the night that we are pretty certain led to us conceiving was 2.15. Today, my birthday, just so happened to be 2.15 on the lunar calendar (which is noted on most Korean calendars as it is still somewhat used in Korea today). God obviously knows my love of making connections with numbers!

At any rate, I should be getting ready to hit the sack. Here's yesterday's picture, before I go:

4w6d

I had one more test, so we decided to use it up. ^^;;

Again, thank You so much, my Lord!

Our First Appointment

4w5d

We have our first prenatal appointment! It is set for my birthday (two days from now) at 1:30pm. The picture is of Hee Suk's scheduler, which reads, "1:30pm Cheil Hospital." (Cheil Hospital is the top one for prenatal care in Korea. Thankfully, we are very close!) Mine would have cute stickers and hearts galore all over it if I kept a planner anymore. I might throw some in his instead. ^.~

In Korea, they actually have you come in right when you find out you are pregnant to get the blood work going right away. I already had a lot of the bloodwork done at a preconception visit, so I think they just need to test a couple more things with that. I'm sure I'll get the full physical and personal history interrogation done as well. We'll see!

On a sidenote, I was still so hungry just a little over an hour after having dinner last night, so I had some bread and jam. Hunger not satisfied, I made a very simple pasta salad. Read: rainbow noodles, carrots and bell peppers (and the Italian dressing I searched high and low for!). Our grocery store used to have the right cheese, but now it's all just the cheese slices. Oh, well. I know it's in this country somewhere. Anyway, I had some pasta salad before it had even been refrigerated. I was still hungry around 1 or 2am, so I had some more, plus a little yogurt drink thing. We were both happy after that.

I've been so tired, but it's been hard to fall and stay asleep. I wake up and feel so sweaty, and I've been dreaming like crazy (though that isn't too out of the ordinary for me). The sweatiness is not a big problem as I am not overheating, but it's still not a whole lot of fun. It's certainly not bringing my spirits down! Part of it, though, may still just be the whole excitement of it all, which I certainly don't mind.

That's about all I have for now! I probably won't post until after the appointment on Wednesday (not that there's even anyone anxiously awaiting at this point!), so until then...

Much love!

We are so blessed!

After many prayers and tears, God has finally sent us a little one! There is so much to be said that it's hard to figure out where to start.

The short story is that even though I wanted to wait until my birthday on the 11th to test (to be sure I wouldn't be starting a new cycle and that if we were pregnant, there would be more than enough hcg for the test to detect...and because a positive would be the best gift ever!), I figured I would cave in and do it Saturday the 7th instead. Well, all sense went out the window Friday morning, and I tested (at just before 6am to boot!). While I was watching the little windows do their little magical transformations, the box on the left started showing a line. I thought, "Hmm, something seems funny..." and I checked the box. Holy smokes, that's the one we want to show a line! Never before had anything ever remotely appeared there--not even an evap line to add insult to injury. I kept watching it while hyperventilating, going back and forth from test to box to test to box.

So many women do something special to tell their husbands, so I, hardly able to focus (I was supposed to be curling my hair for an acting gig!) went into the room to try to find a nice bag or box to present the positive to him with. I couldn't find anything suitable, so I went back to the bathroom, then back into the room to cuddle up next my still half-asleep Hee Suk and tell him, "You're going to be a daddy!" He, too, was in utter disbelief.

Now, here's the long-winded version of it:

Since my receiving my PCOS diagnosis back in October, it's been hard. We found out so many months after trying to try, though unable to because I wasn't having really any cycles at all. In my initial meltdown, which was mostly related to not knowing whether we should pursue modern medicine, which would produce faster results, or wait for more natural healing methods, a calm suddenly came over me that was unmistakeably from God. I knew right then and there that modern medicine was not the route to take. My later research only solidified this decision.

In December, we opted to try out some very expensive Oriental medicine (or "Traditional Chinese Medicine"--TCM. Koreans don't like giving all the credit to the Chinese, though. ;) ). It was the nastiest tasting stuff ever. I had to have a piece of candy to suck on in my mouth while I was drinking it. You'd probably rather not know some of the ingredients, let me tell you. Anyway, I had a supply that lasted just over two weeks, and after that, we decided to not order more. Instead, we made our own concoction at home (much to the dismay of some of our students!). That tasted much better, at least (but seriously, don't let it get cold).

In all honesty, we got lazy in January and didn't make anymore. At this time, I also decided to try taking different vitamin supplements.

Backing Up: I was very blessed to find a book called The Infertility Cure here while just walking around the international section of a big bookstore here. I seriously turned around, and there it was. I was actually heading towards to Christian book section, so I certainly didn't even imagine there was a small section on pregnancy and whatnot. That book was SO amazing to me. With having temped before, I had a good idea of what my issue was--too much estrogen and an issue in getting my body to produce progesterone. With reading the book, I was able to make even deeper connections with this information and develop my own sort of treatment plan. I don't remember exactly when I found it, but it was certainly hand-delivered by God!

OK, so back to January. I started taking Evening Primrose Oil and Omega-3 right at the beginning, and I had to wait a few days for my B-6 vitamins to come in. I was going to take 200mg a day since I had read it helps the body to metabolize excess estrogen and help in the production of progesterone and that according to a Harvard study, it had helped many women with amenhorrhea start having periods within three months.

Towards the end of January, I started a new, very healthy cycle! I was in great spirits with this. I had prayed to God, "God, I don't care about being pregnant right now. I just DON'T want to go back to the doctor for her to induce a new cycle. " It's not safe to go much more than 90 days (which I was quickly approaching) without any sort of cleansing as the buildup can lead to higher risks for cancer, so this was my single greatest prayer of the month. He is so faithful.

I continued to take my temps into the first week of February February in hopes that things were back to normal, but I definitely wasn't back to the mythical 28-day cycle. I gave up on that. After about losing my mind, I again had that unmistakable peace from God. What I needed most was faith that could move the mountains. If I simply had that faith, He promised me that He would deliver us a child by the end of March.

I really believed this. Part of me feared that maybe I was making this up, that I would be having false hope, but I didn't doubt this. I knew it was the voice of God, a peace that only come from Him. ♪Savior, He can move the mountains...♪

So to simplify, it looks like we most likely conceived right around Valentine's Day, as I started temping again and saw a temperature rise a few days later. I was due for a new cycle right around the 5th of March according to the temps, but it obviously never came.

God's timing is simply amazing! Our sweet little bonbon (we are so excited for our 50-50 (mixed) baby, and 50-50 is pronounced the same way we pronounce "bonbon" in English) was conceived right around Valentine's day, was the best birthday present EVER (an early present, but the greatest gift, nonetheless!) and will be due around 11-11, which is Pepero Day in Korea. (For those who know what Pocky is, Pepero is the same thing. For those who don't, they are thin little chocolate-coated sticks.) We couldn't have asked for anything more.

Hee Suk asked me what I think finally did the trick. I think it was a combination of everything we did to try to help my body heal, but I honestly thing one of the greatest helps was the B-6 vitamin. In the end, though, it was not doubt due to simply having faith, which was often the greatest challenge of all.

While it's been pretty easy for me to feel nothing but joy (and a little worry), the first couple of days were a huge mix of emotions for Appa (Father)-to-be. ^^;; He was so excited, but as the man, he was of course concerned with wanting to be sure we were ready in so many other areas of our lives, especially financially. Once we talked everything over, he felt more peace that has allowed the joy to rush forth. There was a commercial that once made my heart ache on last night where they show a recording of a father's reaction to finding out his wife was pregnant and all the pictures from their pregnancy. We were with his family so he couldn't say anything, but his touch on my arm said everything. He's been amazing so far. You should have seen him while we were grocery shopping! We were on a tight schedule (due to plans he had), but he made sure we spent decent time in the produce section to load up on healthy munchies.

On the note of telling others, we've decided to wait until the end of the first trimester for peace-of-mind. The timing again ends up being perfect--right in time for Mother's Day! I'm so excited that we will be able to announce it at that time. Since there really isn't a Mother's Day here, nevertheless not much of a card-giving culture, I am already planning on how to make the announcement. I'm sure the time will just fly by! I want to send something to make the announcement, but the timing is tricky. I want to make sure my mother knows before other family members, but I want to send something to my grandparents as well. (First grandchild and first great-grandchild in both families!) We are both being so protective of who gets to know first, which is of course our families. OK, well the doctor will know first, but that's it. Until Mother's Day, mum's the word!

For those curious, this blog will remain completely closed off until our families know--rest be assured. I don't want to miss a moment, though!

Oh, I almost forgot! One of the funnest things--signs of pregnancy!

The absolute most notable sign I had was HUNGER. I have been SO hungry. When we go to bed at night, even though we eat late, I complain of how incredibly hungry I am.

Some stiffness yet looseness. I feel stiff in certain areas, but at the same time, things are cracking left and right (yes, Dad, even more than before. I'm sure you can't even imagine!).

And other signs others may not quite want to read about. ^.~

I've also had a scratchy throat for about a week, which turned into a bad cough/cold on Friday, the day we found out. Believe me, though--it hasn't been keeping me down!

I don't know for certain if this is from the pregnancy or not, but I've also been very tired. I thought it was due to my cold, but it might just be this little one growing inside of me. I'm feeling quite a bit better today, so within the next couple of days, I'll know for sure.

I have not had many of the trademark signs--tenderness, bigger chest, metallic taste, etc. We'll see how it goes after a couple of weeks! I hear that 6 weeks is the magic marker for many things, including morning sickness.

More pictures:

^Me at about 6am with our positive test!
(I'm still getting used to smiling with braces. -.-;)

Is this really the same person? This is after we came back home from my acting gig.

The new proud parents-to-be. ^^;;

I've decided to steal an idea from a friend who is taking pictures of every day of her life, and I will do my best to take one picture every day of our pregnancy, and I am sure I will have more than enough motivation to continue after baby is born!

Day 2--4w3d

4w4d

Tickers:

Pregnancy Tickers from WiddlyTinks.com

Now I really can't wait to share our blessing with others!

Thank You so, so much Lord. There aren't any words that are adequate to express our thanks. You are so holy and mighty. Please continue to hold us in Your incredible hands, helping this baby to simply thrive. Thank You, my Lord. Thank You.