Mental Breakdown

So I avoided completely breaking down today, but just barely.

As I mentioned (I think), I get nervous only around appointment time. That's when I start imagining hearing the news that I dread hearing. What this really means for me is a bit of increased sensitivity the week before the appointment.

Today was a rainy day. This obviously means that I can't ride my bike to my classes. I decided to take the taxi. I hate taking the taxi since some drivers are over-confident in their abilities, but I wasn't going to walk in the rain. I freak out over "wasting money," but it only costs 1900won, which isn't even $2.

Well, traffic was terrible, so what is usually 1900won turned into 2800won. Not expensive, but I only had 5000won on me and had to get back home after class. It just did not have me feeling comfortable. On top of that, while I am checking for coins thinking it would go just slightly over the usual, I discovered my phone was not in my bag. As I kept sitting in traffic, I was freaking out over not being able to call Hee Suk so he can tell the student's mom that I will be late and whatnot. It just had me feeling really emotional and upset.

So when we finally get to the drop-off spot, I walk quickly/slightly jog to get to her building because I am running 10-15 minutes late without them even knowing why. I then about burst into tears thinking about what happens if we receive the worst sort of news at our appointment (being sad about anything triggers being sad about everything in me). After that, I realize my phone has my student's apartment number, and I have no way of getting it. I was really about to lose it. Thankfully, though, I remembered.

So on my way back home, I stop a taxi and immediately start freaking out when I get in. The driver was very polite and well-dressed, the interior was well-kempt, and he was playing "classy" music. In Korea there are regular taxis and deluxe taxis. Deluxe are more expensive and are black cars with yellow tops (the sign things). This car was not black, nor did it have a yellow top, but I freaked out anyway assuming it was a deluxe taxi in disguise, planning how I would say, "Just drop me off here," if it got to be too expensive. He didn't have a little scanner for the touch-and-pay card I have, so I was really going to be out of luck if we got stuck in traffic or if it was indeed a deluxe.

As I am sure you've already guessed, everything was fine. I just wound up with a really awesome taxi driver who actually cares somewhat. When I got home, though, I just hugged Hee Suk and tried to hold back my tears. It was just too much for this pregnant lady. Ah, the hormones.


In other news, I remembered later on in the day a very silly baby dream I had. I don't know if I had it while napping or the night before or what. The only thing I remember was looking at our baby, who kept sticking his/her tongue out! He/She had this adorable long tongue. It was just so cute. If our baby does have a long tongue, I will be shocked. Mine is super short and fat, and Appa's isn't much better!

Well, I am off to call and see if Sesame's Grandmama isn't too busy to talk.

Thank You for keeping us safe, my Lord, and for blessing us with another day together.